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badname02
May. 20th, 2008
11:17 am
Been ages or so it seems...Nothing new here same old me,,,, a fuck up
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aggravatedApr. 18th, 2008
Apr. 16th, 2008
11:11 am - Well Well
I have neglected this post so badly lately!
Well Im up 5lbs 5'6 125
Sooo not so bad consiiiiidering i eat the cruddiest food
Well fasting nowww until i cant any longer...
<3
Apr. 8th, 2008
01:42 pm
Reached my goal weight 120 lbs. Still unhappy, what am i supposed to feel?
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confusedApr. 4th, 2008
08:35 am - Gooooood morning
Hello, hope everyone's doing well.
Today is going to be the hardest day for me! Work 8-4 police dept, and 4-10 italian restuarant ACKKKK!! But i have to stay strong... anyone have any advice on how to not eat when im surrounded by food, and also im easily tempted sometimes esp b/c i have been doing under 100cals and yesterday had under 200..... Im so scared that im going to eat something and regret it sooooo badlyy......When i smell the food im done, and i have to cut the WARM home made bread GRRRR why me?!!
Apr. 3rd, 2008
11:38 am - So far today...
I decided that if i want to keep loosing i have to up and down my calorie intake.
So instead of just 100 cals of fruit today, i also had 60 cals of soup, italian vegtable to be exact and boy was that yummy/satisfying. But i almost pruged then, and probably would have if i hadnt taken a Stacker2 .
Still all in all 160 cals is good, that and water today
For some reason im really nervous now like im going to gain...
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anxious09:15 am - Yay me!
Wooo Hoooo
Well of course i get dramatically happy over a slight change.....But seeing as how i was at 131 on Sunday night...and this morning (drum roll) 124!!!! Honestly im satisfied! I must keep up the good work!
Yesterday- in a nut shell
BF- coffee
L- little lettuce, one slice of tomato, 3 slices cucumber, scraps of shredded carrot and onion= Approx 50 cals
Din Din- 1 grapefruit 2 strawberries, and a handful of frozen grapes
Workout... 45 mins (3.5miles) treadmill, 20 mins eliptical....
3 sets of 15 leg press,
4 sets 10 lat pull downs,
2 sets 5 side pull downs,
1 set 25 abs
1 set 15 crunches
2 sets 10 side crunches
and thats all folks....
but im proud of myself and today hopefully i have the same amount of insane energy to do the same or more!
And i also bought myself Aquafina ALIVE the --[protect]-- and OMG 0cals and aaaa-mazing!
So worth it i prob drank 1/2 a 6 pack already but it beats my cravings fills me up and has Vitamin E and C...how much better could it get!
And for Emergencies only i bought Progresso veggie soups (4of them) only 60 cals per serving....like thats awesome!
So if i do indeed need something to like fill me or make me feel better, that will be it....other than that all im having is fruit and veggiesssss..
120 hereeeee iiiiii coooooomeeeee!
Start weight: 131
CW :124
GW 1: 120 i can see if from here!
Even getting to 124 is a HUGE accomplishment for me- last summer my i was at my LW of 123lbs so like im soooooo close to that!
Today's ultimate plan(min)
Water water water 1 cup black coffee
1 grapefruit, 1/4 cantelope, 3 strawberries----eaten from 11am- 3pm
and nothing more although im half tempted to try 1/2 of a soup...but ill save that for later IF needed...
Treadmill,weights,ellipical,abs
Goodluck to everyone hope your all a least happy as me today!
ThinkThin loves
and remember if you dont eat you dont gain!
Apr. 2nd, 2008
01:20 pm - Wierd Question...
Its probably not uncommon but i just ate a little lettuce, 1 slice of tomato, and a few peices of carrots and pepper....I feel more hungry now than before i ate... WHY?
GRRR
Makes me mad...like not hungry enough to eat or want to but WTF!
Anyone have any suggestions...also thats prob under 50 cals right?
If not correct me please
aggravated09:54 am - V-I-C-T-O-R-Y
Yay me! Like i said yesterday i was going to try to liquid fast for as long as possible...well broke that deal... i ate about 1/4 a bag of frozen grapes last night! Which honestly i am not even mad about thats good had to under 100cals anyway and was kinda liquid...or not
I got into a tiff with mom and dad, they said something like "youre 20yrs old, you need to pull your own weight" (well im heavvvy duh) First off i work full-time/go to school full-time/ work part-time = approx. 70 hrs a week! Thats insanity but w/e F them. So after the threats to kick me out and my mom calling me out for my ED, i ate grapes, only because i was upset. But frozen food burns cals to heat back up and whatever i took 2 lax.
* Back to her calling me out...i got like super angry, i was like if you werent sooooo obsessed with your own life maybe you'd notice i have problems...
* Shes like you need to pick up your own pieces... i said you still havent even picked up the pieces from when you left dad and came back after 8mos! Stupid bitch fu<k you!
* Shes likeee your the one making yourself sick and its your body...your 20 years old, if you cant have enough common sense to take care of yourself then thats your problem..
* Im like it has nothhing at all to do with common sense its a fucking disease idiot! And then i turned on a movie and put my ipod in my ears and that drowned out anything else they had to say....
Like fine that motivates me if you dont care then ill fucking show you... ill be so skinny that it will scare you! Then maybe she'll see!
And my dad chimes in with his bullshit tooooo...he was the one crying on my shoulder not even a yr ago about her leaving...now he takes her side on shit!
* Hes like your ruining your body, and its bullshit.. blah...blah...
Anyway the point is that he has noooo clueeeee
I dont expect them to understand but the fact that they dont care at allll... it hurts but it makes it easier, -they ask if i've eaten or try to make me eat and ill say...........
IM ANOREXIC REMEMBEERRRR???? yea and you dont care so shove it im nottttttt eating!
hahahah cant wait until that day comes!
Anyway new day new motivation new me
Sorry for the rant but it was an interesting night
I dont have to hide my ED from them anymore!
<3 hope your all doing well
PS im down to 126 yay
Apr. 1st, 2008
12:46 pm - Its 12:45 pm
Welp yeahhhhh... everyone is eating around me! I feel strong-ish. Its all in my head. Yuck their eating Wendy's anyways which i hate, but the smell is getting at me i think. All they do here is eat, candy bars, crackers, soda, fast food, grease fill junk!!! Yuck yuck yuck!
They suck
I rule!
I will not eat
I have willpower
Control... the only thing i can control in this world is MY body, my food intake and ultimatley my weight!
Think thin loves
Stay strong!
Im trying like hell
<3
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hopeful11:14 am
So today could end up being a greatt day! Yesterday i decided I have haddd it...I will never be thin if i EAT, hello! So i went on a liquid fast starting at 4pm 3-31. So far sooo good! Cross your fingers for me! Im thinking on going for as long as possible but a minimum of 96 hrs.... ergg That will be until Friday at 4pm.... but if i dont be super careful, fri at 4pm i have work at an Italian resturant, so maybe i shall extend that to 120 hrs, hmmm! Ill try like hell
A couple key things to keep me from binging will be
1. Avoid lunch at work, probably the hardest b/c i work dayshift at a police dept, they're all fat asses and eat and encourage me to eat, and nights are either class, or waitressing which can be a challenge for me
2. Go straight home after work<1> go to grans and work out, go straight back home no food, shower, class
3. Come home, drink tea as to not binge, take tylenol pm and crash
And start all over!
Hopefully i can work through this fast
wish me luck loves
<3
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bouncyMar. 31st, 2008
02:08 pm - Fed up...literally
Unfortunetly i've been doing horribly lately... but i promise i will look good in my bathing suit this year
i promise
i promise
i promise
ACK! i cannot believe i allowed my self to eat the things i did this weekend! Glazed pecans...while very yummy, also jam packed with fat, and calories! I hate it and it gets worse of course.... i must post what i ate because i deserve to be ashamed! Burger King! ahhh 8pc chicken w/ fries and zesty sauce! How gross i only ate about half b/c thats all i could stomach but holy lightning! Thats horrific! Imagine all the calories.. no wait dont do that... they may rub off on you all! So for today and the rest of this god awful week i will stick to a plan! I cant restrict myself to NO food because i think that is what causes me to screw up so majorly, so i wil restrict to under 200 cals and try to do better! I feel like I have let you all down!
Please dont be angry with me!
All in all up to 128! i know how gross but GW1 for 1 week is to get down to 120! and from there hopefully ill be super motivated!
Inspire me someone
Thinspire me!
A trick i've been trying...
I set alarms on my cell
Saying things around lunch time
For example
Tight jeans
Your fat
Love handles etc....
Its stupid and funny but it works
Much love to all of you beauties!
<3<3<3
aggravatedMar. 27th, 2008
10:55 am
Ahh well yesterday i ate a turkey sandwich... grrr purged almost all of it! WTF i just
could
not
do
it
any
more
I was mean, downright mean to everyone!
But then again this is not anyone's fault! I want to be skinny!!!!but theny mean skinny little bitch of a sister who does nothinnnnng but call me fat/chubby/lazy
Does she know what shes done now?
Other days she says "your fine"or " your built just like me"...no just bc we share clothes does not mean that i dont have to squeeze myself into yourr size zero jeans! My size twos fit fine! I hate her....i do everything for her, i sometimes wish she would just gain weight! Such a mean girl, really shes 17 and soooo self centered! I envy and love her though! Im so moody lately ha whats wrong with me? GR
Anyway today i plan to enjoy a small serving of lean grilled chicken for protien...cross my fingers that i dont purge it!
CW 125
BLAH
<3 you all
Mar. 26th, 2008
10:03 am - So ehhhhh idk!
I just feel like complete shit today!
Down to 124 big deal right...
Worked out yesterday 30 mins running...weights 25 mins....abs abs abs
I honestly feel like iam not getting anywhere! Got fruit last night, just finished eating some
3 baby strawberries
1/2 grapefruit
1/4 cantelope
Why can i not loose easily?
I really feel like crying!
I've been taking Stacker 2's for a couple days too....make me crazy? Perhaps thats it, but i feel like they give me mad energy! So i will continue on in hopes of loosing today. Anyway if i eat ill never get closer to my goal right...
So unispired, today is like the first time i honestly thought it may be easier to just die.... like wtf my life sucks ihatethisjob ihateschool i hatemyotherjob! BLAH
Hope someone feels better than i do today
<3
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depressedMar. 21st, 2008
10:37 am - My life.....Honestly people
GRRR! So not related
So the kid im hanging out with currently has a sister who is hanging out with my ex (i didnt know about this) and we still hang out...blah blah so he tells her i asked him to be with me OMG not a chance and this is soooooo fucked up! So now shes mad, the current is mad, and the ex just got screamed at! Yay im doing so well now....not
Anywhhhhoooo
I was up at 130 the begining of the week and nowwww->
Yay for me anyway down to 122 woo woo
SO Happy
I
Must
Not
F***
this
up!
Much love.... and any advice would be helpful
Mar. 20th, 2008
10:25 am
Sooo.... Lately I've taken notice that my mother is loosing weight... so ive been watching her and she definatley does not eat!
Anyhow the point is she noticed my bulimic tendencies a while ago(which im through with) and called me out on it! What a bitch shes doing the same! So last night after an all day liquid fast i come home and was getting ready to open a can of lite tuna to wrap with lettuce and she says
- No you cant have that
Me- Why not im hungry
-I need it for tuna salad
Me(now in a fit) Fine i wont fucking eat anything then
So she knows how i am and i feel this bit of competition starting between us(i will win) so shes says you can open it but eat it all!
So im like yeahhhh okay i open it eat approx 1/2 and throw the rest!
So for me yesterday was a success! -YaY-
But now im even more determined to loose more than her! I love her but shes so damn hipocritical!
But anyways much love to you all
<3<3
ps sorry for the ranting! Feel much better now!
amusedMar. 18th, 2008
01:40 pm - Cleanse!
Day two
This is hell! I fucked it up! I ate an orange and a special K! ARRRRG what in the world is wrong with me! Any way still a good day over all..? No more though just the lemonade and lax tea tonight!
I need inspiration
So low today
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blahMar. 17th, 2008
01:40 pm - MASTER CLEANSE!
Hello my loves!
The weekend went well! Lets see saturday liquid fasted all day <BEER> oops.... is that bad? beer and water?!
Now yesterday i bingeddd! Im a waitress so the food is so readily available and free! I had Chicken parm and pasta, the kids menu but still!
Well i ended up purging most of it. Now today i starting on a clean slate! The Master Cleanse
It is a fast made up of
Lemon juice
Organic maple syrup
Cayenne pepper
And Water
Use this for ten days and your supposed to loose 20 lbs! It also promotes healthier eating once all the toxins are out of your body!
Wish me luck
Any one want to try it with me? Im on day ONE!
Love you ladies!
cheerfulMar. 14th, 2008
01:38 pm
Hi everyone!
My days going god so far....restriction is actually fun!
I like to be in control, and hopefully this will pay off!
I have a question
now i have fasted before but i dont think ive ever done is successfully
Any suggestions?
When should i start and how long should it last
Appreciate all the help and support
<3 You ALL!
08:46 am
Hello Loves
I cannot for the life of me figure out how to upload a picture!
haha i know pathetic but anyone who thinks they can help me ....?
Anywayssss yesterday was a total victory! I am so proud of myself, everytime i thought of food i thought of everyone here and how much you all inspire me! That helped to keep it off of my mind! So i ended up having 2 coke zeros(addicted!) 2 oranges one for lunch on dinner OH and ofcourse that nasty little skim milk latte that I could not resist! Today i will try harder tho! I promise! I only wish i had you all here with me! The thinspo you all are posting is an extreme life saver! I love you all and appreciate everything!
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