May. 20th, 2008
Been ages or so it seems...Nothing new here same old me,,,, a fuck up
Apr. 18th, 2008
Apr. 16th, 2008
11:11 am - Well Well
I have neglected this post so badly lately!
Well Im up 5lbs 5'6 125
Sooo not so bad consiiiiidering i eat the cruddiest food
Well fasting nowww until i cant any longer...
Apr. 8th, 2008
Reached my goal weight 120 lbs. Still unhappy, what am i supposed to feel?
Apr. 4th, 2008
08:35 am - Gooooood morning
Hello, hope everyone's doing well.
Today is going to be the hardest day for me! Work 8-4 police dept, and 4-10
italian restuarant ACKKKK!! But i have to stay strong... anyone have any advice on how to not eat when im surrounded by food, and also im easily tempted sometimes esp b/c i have been doing under 100cals and yesterday had under 200..... Im so scared that im going to eat something and regret it sooooo badlyy......When i smell the food im done, and i have to cut the WARM home made bread GRRRR why me?!!
Apr. 3rd, 2008
11:38 am - So far today...
I decided that if i want to keep loosing i have to up and down my calorie intake.
So instead of just 100 cals of fruit today, i also had 60 cals of soup, italian vegtable to be exact and boy was that yummy/satisfying. But i almost pruged then, and probably would have if i hadnt taken a Stacker2 .
Still all in all 160 cals is good, that and water today
For some reason im really nervous now like im going to gain...
09:15 am - Yay me!
Well of course i get dramatically happy over a slight change.....But seeing as how i was at 131 on Sunday night...and this morning (drum roll) 124!!!! Honestly im satisfied! I must keep up the good work!
Yesterday- in a nut shell
L- little lettuce, one slice of tomato, 3 slices cucumber, scraps of shredded carrot and onion= Approx 50 cals
Din Din- 1 grapefruit 2 strawberries, and a handful of frozen grapes
Workout... 45 mins (3.5miles) treadmill, 20 mins eliptical....
3 sets of 15 leg press,
4 sets 10 lat pull downs,
2 sets 5 side pull downs,
1 set 25 abs
1 set 15 crunches
2 sets 10 side crunches
and thats all folks....
but im proud of myself and today hopefully i have the same amount of insane energy to do the same or more!
And i also bought myself Aquafina ALIVE the --[protect]-- and OMG 0cals and aaaa-mazing!
So worth it i prob drank 1/2 a 6 pack already but it beats my cravings fills me up and has Vitamin E and C...how much better could it get!
And for Emergencies only i bought Progresso veggie soups (4of them) only 60 cals per serving....like thats awesome!
So if i do indeed need something to like fill me or make me feel better, that will be it....other than that all im having is fruit and veggiesssss..
120 hereeeee iiiiii coooooomeeeee!
Start weight: 131
GW 1: 120 i can see if from here!
Even getting to 124 is a HUGE accomplishment for me- last summer my i was at my LW of 123lbs so like im soooooo close to that!
Today's ultimate plan(min)
Water water water 1 cup black coffee
1 grapefruit, 1/4 cantelope, 3 strawberries----eaten from 11am- 3pm
and nothing more although im half tempted to try 1/2 of a soup...but ill save that for later IF needed...
Goodluck to everyone hope your all a least happy as me today!
and remember if you dont eat you dont gain!
Apr. 2nd, 2008
01:20 pm - Wierd Question...
Its probably not uncommon but i just ate a little lettuce, 1 slice of tomato, and a few peices of carrots and pepper....I feel more hungry now than before i ate... WHY?
Makes me mad...like not hungry enough to eat or want to but WTF!
Anyone have any suggestions...also thats prob under 50 cals right?
If not correct me please
09:54 am - V-I-C-T-O-R-Y
Yay me! Like i said yesterday i was going to try to liquid fast for as long as possible...well broke that deal... i ate about 1/4 a bag of frozen grapes last night! Which honestly i am not even mad about thats good had to under 100cals anyway and was kinda liquid...or not
I got into a tiff with mom and dad, they said something like "youre 20yrs old, you need to pull your own weight" (well im heavvvy duh) First off i work full-time/go to school full-time/ work part-time = approx. 70 hrs a week! Thats insanity but w/e F them. So after the threats to kick me out and my mom calling me out for my ED, i ate grapes, only because i was upset. But frozen food burns cals to heat back up and whatever i took 2 lax.
* Back to her calling me out...i got like super angry, i was like if you werent sooooo obsessed with your own life maybe you'd notice i have problems...
* Shes like you need to pick up your own pieces... i said you still havent even picked up the pieces from when you left dad and came back after 8mos! Stupid bitch fu<k you!
* Shes likeee your the one making yourself sick and its your body...your 20 years old, if you cant have enough common sense to take care of yourself then thats your problem..
* Im like it has nothhing at all to do with common sense its a fucking disease idiot! And then i turned on a movie and put my ipod in my ears and that drowned out anything else they had to say....
Like fine that motivates me if you dont care then ill fucking show you... ill be so skinny that it will scare you! Then maybe she'll see!
And my dad chimes in with his bullshit tooooo...he was the one crying on my shoulder not even a yr ago about her leaving...now he takes her side on shit!
* Hes like your ruining your body, and its bullshit.. blah...blah...
Anyway the point is that he has noooo clueeeee
I dont expect them to understand but the fact that they dont care at allll... it
hurts but it makes it easier, -they ask if i've eaten or try to make me eat and ill say...........
IM ANOREXIC REMEMBEERRRR???? yea and you dont care so shove it im nottttttt eating!
hahahah cant wait until that day comes!
Anyway new day new motivation new me
Sorry for the rant but it was an interesting night
I dont have to hide my ED from them anymore!
<3 hope your all doing well
PS im down to 126 yay
Apr. 1st, 2008
12:46 pm - Its 12:45 pm
Welp yeahhhhh... everyone is eating around me! I feel strong-ish. Its all in my head. Yuck their eating Wendy's anyways which i hate, but the smell is getting at me i think. All they do here is eat, candy bars, crackers, soda, fast food, grease fill junk!!! Yuck yuck yuck!
I will not eat
I have willpower
Control... the only thing i can control in this world is MY body, my food intake and ultimatley my weight!
Think thin loves
Im trying like hell
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